Surprise!

Guess who’s back?

In light of my Asherman’s Syndrome and unexplained infertility diagnosis, we were certain our family was complete when Baby R was born. Two and a half years later, we had the surprise of our lives when we discovered we were expecting the unexpected – a spontaneous pregnancy with no medical assistance! Knowing that any pregnancy with the great amount of scar tissue in my uterus was sure to be high risk, we were very cautious and guarded.

To make a long story short, Baby M made a dramatic entrance at exactly 26 weeks. Due to complete placenta previa, a sudden and major hemorrhage along with complete dilation necessitated an emergency c-section which turned into a cesarian-hysterectomy. Baby needed two double transfusions within two weeks of his birth. His NICU stay was full of ups and downs and downs and ups. After 121 days, Baby M came home and we scrambled to provide care as two medically untrained parents. At 13 months actual age (10 months from due date), he is thriving and we are so thankful to everyone who supported him and our family.

For those with Asherman’s or a low AMH or unexplained infertility, I wish I had advice or some solid piece of evidence that could help you along your journey. Unfortunately, I have a bunch of odd and really random experiences with a surprise twist ending. A diagnosis of Asherman’s, low AMH or unexplained infertility does not necessarily mean you will never birth children – my three children and I are proof.

I never would’ve believed someone if they’d told me the story would end this way. I know it might seem silly to come back yet again to add to it, but I took such comfort in knowing I wasn’t the only one experiencing infertility, or Asherman’s, or low AMH or a “surprise baby” and I owe so many people for that. I hope that sharing my story can pay it forward.

Surgery #5

Yep. Fifth surgery on this tough mudder of a uterus.

I get so frustrated that she isn’t doing what she should but she has been through a lot and she keeps trying. She has survived the worst of scars and, according to my doc, looks pretty good. He removed one patch of scar tissue and a few nodules, but she looked pretty good. He even wonders if there was some embryo issue (even though we had PGD, it could’ve been something else, not chromosomal) and if the failure really wasn’t to blame on the lining… who knows.

What I do know is that he said, “this is your last surgery. I don’t want to do another surgery because it looks good.” So, I’m going to take that and run with it.

We look good.

We are going to heal well through healthy movement, great food, happy times, and reduced stress. We are doing everything we can to build a safe, healthy home for our next embryo to grow strong. We look forward to bringing another brilliant, independent child into this world to love and cherish.

I started estrogen injections and suppositories this morning. Here we go… again!

Waiting. I really want a HPT.

I’m doing my very best to avoid spending $15-30 on home pregnancy tests. Last time, I had purchased some really super cheap ones way ahead of time, but I didn’t do that this time. So, if I wanted to test, I’d have to pay for the regular priced ones in the store. That seems like a waste. I’m going to have the test done Friday, then the confirmation on Monday, so I really don’t have that much longer to wait. I just really want to SEE on the HPT!

As far as symptoms, I’m bloated, a little nauseous, sometimes crampy/achy, have a gag reflex with veggies again, and want to eat spicy foods, specifically hot wings. Mmm!

Last week, we had our second FET after IVF in 2013 with ICSI and PGD on all embryos. (I could go on with abbreviations, but that’s enough of that)

I have come to accept that there is nothing I can do to make this work.

If this is meant for us right now, we will have a positive test.

My beloved acupuncturist is going on sabbatical next month, so I will have to find my way without her. I will meet with the new person in the position, but we won’t have the history. I’m so happy for the person who has been such a support and strength for me through all of this. She is taking time for herself. She needs this. I don’t know if she will return, but she will always be part of our life.

We might be putting our house on the market. I’m distracting myself from taking a HPT by refinishing cabinets in our bathroom and kitchen, hoping to give new life to those two areas. I’m excited about the prospects of a new home, possibly with a better view, more rooms, a more preferable driveway, or even a shorter commute (approx. 2 hours in the car each day between daycare drop-off, work, daycare pick-up, and home). At the same time, I’m excited about how our house feels right now. I think the cabinets will perk up nicely, then we get to pick our granite – woo! The rest of the things the house needs to be market-ready are general maintenance as it is springtime as well as paint touchups here and there, mostly necessary from the installation of our new windows last summer.

I’m having fun. My hubby is stressing. It’s hard going through this, feeling like it’s all ME, but he’s right there feeling all of it, too.

Just trying to be a good waiter. Waiting on right timing for everything.

FET eve.

Last night, March 13, I took my final Lupron shot in this protocol. It began on February 10, so that seemed like a long time! Some tips I’ve learned about the tummy shots: sit down and lean forward so you can get a good pinch of skin near your belly button; put the needle to your skin, inhale, then as you exhale, insert the needle; let go of the pinch, and push the plunger. I avoided almost all bruising by doing it this way.

Last week, I started my PIO (progesterone in oil) shots and continued my Delestrogen shots – both IM (intramuscular) in the upper, outer quadrant of my backside. I also added one trigger shot (hcg) to my backside and continue the hcg shots a couple more times this week but in my tummy like the Lupron. I don’t mind the ones in the tummy as bad because I can see and have more control of the needle, oh, and they aren’t nearly as deep. BUT, if you have to do the IM shots in your backside, sit down. This is the first time I’ve tried sitting and it works so much better. I think the muscle is maybe more relaxed. No, I do not like the PIO shots.

I was given orders to quit taking Cialis (yay!) and Pentoxy last week, but I will continue the estrogen pills morning and night, adding prednisone morning and night also. The past four days, I’ve taken Medrol – I don’t remember what this one is for at all – but I only take it four days.

Tomorrow is the big day. Another big day to add to all our big days.

I told baby J today that we would get to meet his brother or sister tomorrow and that we would bring home pictures (of our embryo) to show  him. Then, I told him, in about 8 months, we get to meet his brother or sister in person.    !!!

I don’t know if he understood any of it. It doesn’t seem like a normal conversation to have, but maybe, people in our situation have these kinds of conversations with their children. I don’t want to conceal the process as I have nothing to hide. I’m not ashamed. I don’t have guilt about IVF. I’m so honored to have the opportunity to conceive and give birth to my child.

I don’t say much about my faith, but I just can’t wrap my mind around how we got here this time. I understand the science of it. I understand the process. We’ve been through so many obstacles, low AMH diagnosis, MTHFR diagnosis, tried IUIs, IVF, and then one more obstacle: Asherman’s Syndrome. Last year, at this time, I had NO UTERINE CAVITY. It was adhered together, flat like a pancake, growing no endometrium. The surgeries opened and helped clear the scar tissue, but the endometrium was so badly damaged that it wasn’t responding well to hormones. On the ultrasounds, you can see scar tissue deep in the uterine tissue, which obviously causes a problem when it needs to grow a functional layer to slough each month.

But here we are with a 7.2 lining as of last Tuesday. The past two months’ lining didn’t even make it to 6.

Science can only do so much. We know this. We don’t have all the answers.

This is God stuff.

Tomorrow is God stuff.

Science can coordinate all the events, but life begins only with God.

If you could, say a prayer. Pray not for me, but for all of us, that we all find the God stuff. There is enough glory given to the gore and other stuff barraging us all the time.

Let’s give the glory to God.

Day 7: Lining 5.5-5.7, E 5847

Well, my estrogen is really high, but the lining is growing better than it did with the Viagra. The Cialis is being blamed for the full body aches, heartburn, hot hands, hot feet, and swelling. I was warned to be aware of my high estrogen and if I feel excessively emotional (as if I would know what that is), I should contact the office right away. Ha.

So, things are looking as good as they can right now. The lining is in an intermediate stage where they wouldn’t expect to see triple layer organization just yet, but by next Thursday, they would hope to see things getting more organized. We shall see what they say at that point, then we potentially meet with our doc the following Tuesday for the final verdict.

I wish I recorded more details the first time around with baby J. I don’t know what my lining was prior to the day 10 check when it was at 8.6. I know at Day 1 in 2013, E was 62, Day 5 E was 383, and Day 10 E was 1523. Being at 5847 on Day 7 currently and shooting for a longer cycle (26 days rather than 15 days as it was in 2013), I have concerns with how well I can tolerate this high estrogen.

All I know is that I CAN take one day, or one dose, at a time and cope the best I can through the side effects in that moment. I know many prayers and positive thoughts are supporting me through each moment.

Pentoxifylline and Cialis.

I just have to put it out there, because I haven’t found any other account of it.

If you are also experiencing these two, please please comment and share your experience.

These two are not my friends right now, but they are part of my plan to grow a healthy endometrial lining for our upcoming FET.

Last month, I also took Pentoxifylline and suffered from a nasty headache in the migraine territory, accompanied by nausea and dizziness. It lasted about two days, but when I learned to take it WITH food, it seemed to ease up and go away. I was also taking Viagra suppositories last time, so it could’ve been my body adjusting to both of those.

This time, the Viagra suppositories have been replaced by oral Cialis. I don’t know if that makes any difference, but here we are, and I’ve been struggling with all-over aches from my neck to my knees, but mostly moderate to severe aches in my lower back and hips. I finally found sleep last night by sleeping on my stomach. Today, I managed the morning just fine but gave in to some help from Tylenol this afternoon. So. Much. Better.

I have an early ultrasound and blood work in four days, so I’m hoping I can hold on until them or that the aches would subside by then.

Anybody?

I’m just so curious to see if anyone else in on this stuff. I can’t see that there are any studies going on and I always wonder about the long-term results from all these meds. I guess I’m off the standard prescription for IVF and FET patients and I’m now onto the somewhat undocumented stuff. Fun. ha.

I kinda have to psyche myself up for my next dose of fun. Makes surgery not seem like such a bad alternative.

Okay, okay. This will all be good. We will learn from it and I hope these crazy meds will make a beautiful lining together. Which will grow a beautiful baby. Who we can spoil with love and kisses. Can we really be that lucky?

Gluten. Dairy. Sugar.

I said “good-bye” to gluten years ago. I also greatly limited my dairy and sugar exposure not long after that. I felt noticeably better after just three days of eliminating gluten. Any time I’ve accidentally ingested gluten, I now pay the price of up-all-night discomfort and up to a week of digestion issues. Dairy and sugar haven’t been as obviously cruel to me, but I had a feeling I was going to need to kick them out of my diet again.

There is a good chance that the fluid in my uterus could be caused or at least magnified by the dairy/sugar combination.

I would like to encourage anyone, whether you are in a similar situation or struggling with other health issues, to try changing your diet. It doesn’t have to be huge. Just take it one day at a time. Add in other treats like avocados and coconut oil. Buy good foods that are higher quality.

Give it a try.

 

On another note, the ultrasound today showed a lining around 4.5 and it was still patchy. Estrogen was 1391. I was told that all was going as expected, but I will be increasing the estrace in the evening. There was only a sliver of fluid this time around, so maybe we are making progress.

The day after Day 10.

So, at the day 5 ultrasound and blood draw, my lining was at 6mm and estrogen was on the low side. The lining needs to be at 8mm before transfer. The decision was made to increase one medication in hopes that everything would shape up by day 10, which was yesterday.

Yesterday, baby J and I loaded into the car at 6:15am to get him off to daycare and me to the clinic for my 7:30am appointment before my 7:45am meeting at work. The ultrasound showed fluid in the uterus and an inconsistent lining (some places at 8 while others were 6). It also showed remaining damage (deep in the muscle) from the original surgeries that completely closed my uterus and caused the Asherman’s Syndrome. Doc doesn’t know why there is fluid accumulating, but told us that uterine scars (usually from c-sections) sometimes weep. All of this was explained today when our doc examined me again to see everything in real time.

FET is cancelled.

Doc has a new plan for medication and hopes to do a mock cycle next month as I don’t have the time to take off work for a FET. He will then get to see how my body reacts to the new plan for meds and how long it takes to get the lining where it needs to be for the best chance of a successful FET. Stay tuned because you won’t believe what meds I get to take next time around.

My doc is working hard to fix another doc’s mistake.

Disappointed. Frustrated. Tired of crying. Enjoying my glass of wine and looking forward to some coffee and chocolate tomorrow. Maybe a mixed drink, too.

Day 1.

All systems go.

Ultrasound today checked lining and ovaries. No cysts. Lining is thin. Blood draw to check estrogen came back acceptable, so medications begin. Continuing Lupron, baby aspirin, folate, P5P (B6), methylcobalamin (B12), prenatal, vitamin D, calcium, and fish oil. Adding pills and patches for estrogen.

Another ultrasound and blood draw on Friday.

Hesitantly excited.

Medicating and Waiting…

“Can you be patient?” This question keeps coming back to me. My doc asked me this when we first sat down to discuss the Asherman’s diagnosis and upcoming treatment plan of surgeries and hormones. “Yup,” I said as I knew I had no other choice. If we want to try to have another baby, I need to have a functioning uterus. No other option is present but to be patient. I’m not a big fan of patience. I like to just push through, whether that means staying up later or working harder or calling for extra help. That doesn’t really work in this case.

It really is such a short period of time in the big scheme of things. It’s so short in comparison to so many other stories and heartaches I hear about every day. My diagnosis wasn’t as bad as it could be, but I can’t have any more children, not even with IVF if I don’t treat this and soon.

I was hoping to have an appointment yesterday that would allow our doc to take a look and see how things were healing. Was there scar tissue remaining? Did the lining recover? Do I need another surgery? Did the scarring lessen or is there additional scarring? That appointment was cancelled because my doc wants to see me after I’ve had more time on the hormones, building and sloughing the lining, and see where that takes us. So, I’ve another week on estrogen, a week on progesterone, hopefully my period starts and I can get an appointment on the books. I’m really looking forward to learning our next step.

Baby J is now a year and a half. He is a climber of everything all of the time with no fear, unless it’s time to sleep. He’s running and falling, eating anything we let him (even some things we wish he wouldn’t), hugs and blows kisses, points at our nose/ears/mouth/teeth/eyes-ouch, and empties every cabinet he can open.

He is a dream-come-true.