Surgery #5

Yep. Fifth surgery on this tough mudder of a uterus.

I get so frustrated that she isn’t doing what she should but she has been through a lot and she keeps trying. She has survived the worst of scars and, according to my doc, looks pretty good. He removed one patch of scar tissue and a few nodules, but she looked pretty good. He even wonders if there was some embryo issue (even though we had PGD, it could’ve been something else, not chromosomal) and if the failure really wasn’t to blame on the lining… who knows.

What I do know is that he said, “this is your last surgery. I don’t want to do another surgery because it looks good.” So, I’m going to take that and run with it.

We look good.

We are going to heal well through healthy movement, great food, happy times, and reduced stress. We are doing everything we can to build a safe, healthy home for our next embryo to grow strong. We look forward to bringing another brilliant, independent child into this world to love and cherish.

I started estrogen injections and suppositories this morning. Here we go… again!

If you knew what was in store for you…

you would laugh instead of cry.

This was the message loud and clear this morning. As I was working on a project, I  emptied my thoughts to God. I asked him questions that have been troubling me lately and He responded.

But he didn’t respond with a verse from the Bible, instead, I strongly felt a reference to a show my hubby and I have been watching on and off for a while now. In this show, one brother comes to power while the other brother is on the sidelines, watching. The second brother endures some really rough circumstances and goes to a “see-er” who tells him the message I received today. The words were a little different. I believe he was told that he would “dance naked on the beach.” Well, here’s to dancing!

Yes, I’m struggling with this.

I cannot pretend to understand why some people are so blessed with children, in quick succession, to multiple partners, with no honor to marriage while other committed couples cannot even become pregnant with the help of very skilled scientists and surgeons.

I cannot pretend I’m not hurt or angry about being denied another baby with our most recent FET failure.

The message this morning was so strong, but I can’t seem to find a specific scriptural reference.

I’m doing my best to empty myself, giving God the opportunity to speak to me, provide peace, and strength as we move forward. I’m doing my best to pour my heart out whenever I can so He can fill it the way He desires.

We have another surgery on the books for later this month. A couple months of hormone therapy will follow. With out next FET after recovery, the plan is to trade the prednisone for intralipids and add low dose lovenox. I’ll have some more learning to do as I’ve not experienced either of those treatments before.

I’m trusting HIM that HE knows better than I and that HE will guide us through whatever life sends our way. Thinking of you all and sending you our love.