Good night, sweet prince.

Our first beta on Friday was 7 and that number fell even further to 3 today. I knew it was coming, because a 7 at 11 days past a 5 day transfer is not a good number.

Estrogen is sky high 2000+ and progesterone is over 100. The crash will be fierce.

I did absolutely everything I could do. Prayer. Prayer warriors. Acupuncture twice a week for 6 weeks prior. Blood-building diet. Bone broth. High protein diet. 2-day bedrest. Acupuncture on site before and after transfer. Didn’t lift anything over 10 lbs. Barely used any stairs. Watched funny movies. Ate pineapple core for 5 days after transfer. Took Lupron, Cialis, Pentoxifylline, intralipids IV drip, low dose aspirin, extra vitamin E, food-based prenatal, extra methylated B vitamins, extra vitamin D, estrogen suppositories and injections, progesterone injections, HCG injections, no exercise, no caffeine, no chocolate, no coffee, no dairy, no sugar, no alcohol, no gluten, organic as much as possible, and still… no success.

I cannot take this burden on myself. I did everything there was to do. Now I pray for peace that only God can provide – that which passes all understanding.

But tonight, I say good night to our baby boy, our prince. We will meet you again one day.

Day 7: Lining 5.5-5.7, E 5847

Well, my estrogen is really high, but the lining is growing better than it did with the Viagra. The Cialis is being blamed for the full body aches, heartburn, hot hands, hot feet, and swelling. I was warned to be aware of my high estrogen and if I feel excessively emotional (as if I would know what that is), I should contact the office right away. Ha.

So, things are looking as good as they can right now. The lining is in an intermediate stage where they wouldn’t expect to see triple layer organization just yet, but by next Thursday, they would hope to see things getting more organized. We shall see what they say at that point, then we potentially meet with our doc the following Tuesday for the final verdict.

I wish I recorded more details the first time around with baby J. I don’t know what my lining was prior to the day 10 check when it was at 8.6. I know at Day 1 in 2013, E was 62, Day 5 E was 383, and Day 10 E was 1523. Being at 5847 on Day 7 currently and shooting for a longer cycle (26 days rather than 15 days as it was in 2013), I have concerns with how well I can tolerate this high estrogen.

All I know is that I CAN take one day, or one dose, at a time and cope the best I can through the side effects in that moment. I know many prayers and positive thoughts are supporting me through each moment.

Pedal to the metal

The hysteroscopy today revealed an actual uterine cavity which is SO GOOD considering that it didn’t exist before the June surgery. Both fallopian tubes were visible and open. There was a pocket where scar tissue attempted to bind my uterus together again and the area between my fallopian tubes is still covered in scar tissue. Doc says it needs to be done and he can get me in next week.  !!!!!  Okay. That’s fast. I had imagined it would be at least a month before we could get surgery scheduled. That means pre-op is Tuesday (since Monday is a holiday), surgery is Wednesday, balloon stent probably removed the following Tuesday. With this next surgery, doc is going to try a new estrogen regiment and hopes to have great results with just one month of hormone therapy. Then, I get back on the pill and we do another hysteroscopy. He is hopeful that this surgery may be IT and we could be in great shape for our next FET (frozen embryo transfer).

Are we ready for the FET yet? We don’t know. We both really felt that having baby J when we did was perfect timing – not big and pregnant during hot months, not taking an itty bitty baby to daycare (because a friend watched him for seven weeks after my six weeks of maternity leave and one of spring break, then I had all summer break with him), and an FET in the school year would be an extra challenge. It’s hard enough to get out the door in the morning without adding early pregnancy and injections. I just don’t know how I feel about it right now.

I was trying to count today: how many hysteroscopies have I had? I think today was three… actually, four. I didn’t even have pre-hysteroscopy instructions, but I remembered what to do (or not do) anyway.

My man and I are very ready to be done with the surgery part of this path to FET #2 … and ready to be done with the hormones, too, but very thankful to be in so many prayers and the hands of a very skilled surgeon.