HCG 3 and Asherman’s Syndrome

We continued meds for another couple days and had one final blood draw this morning. It revealed the HCG at 3. We drank a beer and I ate some chocolate. I’ve two beautiful men right here in my arms. I spent Monday mourning the loss and have done my best to celebrate and spoil my two right here.

This journey through IVF with multiple diagnoses and Asherman’s to top it all off, has been an impressive one. We have come so far, especially considering that Asherman’s diagnosis was less than a year ago and had completely incapacitated my uterus with scar tissue. We made it all the way to transfer and even had a positive pregnancy test. I am grateful to have found all the professionals and prayers that brought us this far.

We are not done yet.

I received a message loud and clear Tuesday morning when baby J threw a complete tantrum with flailing arms, crying, screaming, wailing, and kicking. He had a bowl of blueberries right in front of him, but he desperately wanted the bowl of blueberries in the fridge. He wouldn’t look at those in front of him, wouldn’t enjoy them, wouldn’t even acknowledge them because he was fixated on the ones he didn’t have in his bowl.

Loud and clear, I was reminded to take time to love appreciate who I have right here, rather than fixating on who I don’t have right here, right now. I do believe I will meet all my babies one day when there is no more illness, death, sorrow, or pain. When we are all young and healthy for eternity.

 

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HCG from 36 to 19.

Chemical pregnancy. This means, embryo #2 did not implant, but tried really hard.

A beautiful friend sent me this just this morning. Her timing couldn’t have been better.

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12

Waiting. I really want a HPT.

I’m doing my very best to avoid spending $15-30 on home pregnancy tests. Last time, I had purchased some really super cheap ones way ahead of time, but I didn’t do that this time. So, if I wanted to test, I’d have to pay for the regular priced ones in the store. That seems like a waste. I’m going to have the test done Friday, then the confirmation on Monday, so I really don’t have that much longer to wait. I just really want to SEE on the HPT!

As far as symptoms, I’m bloated, a little nauseous, sometimes crampy/achy, have a gag reflex with veggies again, and want to eat spicy foods, specifically hot wings. Mmm!

Last week, we had our second FET after IVF in 2013 with ICSI and PGD on all embryos. (I could go on with abbreviations, but that’s enough of that)

I have come to accept that there is nothing I can do to make this work.

If this is meant for us right now, we will have a positive test.

My beloved acupuncturist is going on sabbatical next month, so I will have to find my way without her. I will meet with the new person in the position, but we won’t have the history. I’m so happy for the person who has been such a support and strength for me through all of this. She is taking time for herself. She needs this. I don’t know if she will return, but she will always be part of our life.

We might be putting our house on the market. I’m distracting myself from taking a HPT by refinishing cabinets in our bathroom and kitchen, hoping to give new life to those two areas. I’m excited about the prospects of a new home, possibly with a better view, more rooms, a more preferable driveway, or even a shorter commute (approx. 2 hours in the car each day between daycare drop-off, work, daycare pick-up, and home). At the same time, I’m excited about how our house feels right now. I think the cabinets will perk up nicely, then we get to pick our granite – woo! The rest of the things the house needs to be market-ready are general maintenance as it is springtime as well as paint touchups here and there, mostly necessary from the installation of our new windows last summer.

I’m having fun. My hubby is stressing. It’s hard going through this, feeling like it’s all ME, but he’s right there feeling all of it, too.

Just trying to be a good waiter. Waiting on right timing for everything.

FET: The eagle has landed!

All went well yesterday.

Nauseous. Super crampy today, but that’s not considered unusual.

Taking it easy.

Catching up on all my friends in the blog-world of infertility. Big things happening for so many right now!

FET eve.

Last night, March 13, I took my final Lupron shot in this protocol. It began on February 10, so that seemed like a long time! Some tips I’ve learned about the tummy shots: sit down and lean forward so you can get a good pinch of skin near your belly button; put the needle to your skin, inhale, then as you exhale, insert the needle; let go of the pinch, and push the plunger. I avoided almost all bruising by doing it this way.

Last week, I started my PIO (progesterone in oil) shots and continued my Delestrogen shots – both IM (intramuscular) in the upper, outer quadrant of my backside. I also added one trigger shot (hcg) to my backside and continue the hcg shots a couple more times this week but in my tummy like the Lupron. I don’t mind the ones in the tummy as bad because I can see and have more control of the needle, oh, and they aren’t nearly as deep. BUT, if you have to do the IM shots in your backside, sit down. This is the first time I’ve tried sitting and it works so much better. I think the muscle is maybe more relaxed. No, I do not like the PIO shots.

I was given orders to quit taking Cialis (yay!) and Pentoxy last week, but I will continue the estrogen pills morning and night, adding prednisone morning and night also. The past four days, I’ve taken Medrol – I don’t remember what this one is for at all – but I only take it four days.

Tomorrow is the big day. Another big day to add to all our big days.

I told baby J today that we would get to meet his brother or sister tomorrow and that we would bring home pictures (of our embryo) to show  him. Then, I told him, in about 8 months, we get to meet his brother or sister in person.    !!!

I don’t know if he understood any of it. It doesn’t seem like a normal conversation to have, but maybe, people in our situation have these kinds of conversations with their children. I don’t want to conceal the process as I have nothing to hide. I’m not ashamed. I don’t have guilt about IVF. I’m so honored to have the opportunity to conceive and give birth to my child.

I don’t say much about my faith, but I just can’t wrap my mind around how we got here this time. I understand the science of it. I understand the process. We’ve been through so many obstacles, low AMH diagnosis, MTHFR diagnosis, tried IUIs, IVF, and then one more obstacle: Asherman’s Syndrome. Last year, at this time, I had NO UTERINE CAVITY. It was adhered together, flat like a pancake, growing no endometrium. The surgeries opened and helped clear the scar tissue, but the endometrium was so badly damaged that it wasn’t responding well to hormones. On the ultrasounds, you can see scar tissue deep in the uterine tissue, which obviously causes a problem when it needs to grow a functional layer to slough each month.

But here we are with a 7.2 lining as of last Tuesday. The past two months’ lining didn’t even make it to 6.

Science can only do so much. We know this. We don’t have all the answers.

This is God stuff.

Tomorrow is God stuff.

Science can coordinate all the events, but life begins only with God.

If you could, say a prayer. Pray not for me, but for all of us, that we all find the God stuff. There is enough glory given to the gore and other stuff barraging us all the time.

Let’s give the glory to God.

E 1773, Lining 7.2!!!!! Approved for transfer!

And I’m speechless.

I have three appointments to reschedule now because of the transfer and bed rest following the transfer. I will also be without a car for the week following the transfer.

This life is crazy. But wonderful.

We have a long road ahead yet, but we get to move past the damage, Asherman’s syndrome diagnosis, Viagra, Cialis, MTHFR diagnosis, low AMH diagnosis… We get to move forward.

I get to take the trigger shot (hcg) tomorrow morning. Starting progesterone and medrol the following day. So many things going on in addition to the FET. Our lives are so beautifully full.

Thank you.