Evil Clone

My evil clone has taken over. I’m no longer here. 

Whether it is the BC pills, the lupron, the pressure of it all… or whatever… the fuse is so short, everything is so intense, I really just want to disappear until it’s all over. I know it will all be worth it and this is just a very small amount of time in the long run… but I don’t want to sacrifice my marriage for it or damage our relationship. 

I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. I can’t make sense of him and I can’t stand anything he does, but it’s not him. I’m totally checked out. It’s scary when you can’t stop yourself from exploding or bawling. It takes all of my focus not to be insulted by just the slightest thing or lack of something.

I really think counseling or psychiatrist appointments should have been included in my IVF/FET package. This sucks. 

I wasn’t going to make emotionally charged posts on this blog, but I felt the need to put a warning out there. Not everyone reacts this way. Some people feel wacky on clomid. I felt great. Now this. Evil clone has done some damage in this past week. Counting down the days. Hopefully only 20 left of this evil clone. If it’s any longer, I made need a muzzle.

Sick

Maybe I worry too much. Actually, that’s more of a fact. I do worry too much. Last year, I got sick and miscarried. This year, we’re getting ready for our FET and I have a sore throat for over a week. I can’t help but feel like “here we go again.” Doc doesn’t see anything going on, no infection and strep test was negative. It’s probably allergies… Causing a severely sore throat for over a week… Boo. Now, I just have to make sure it doesn’t develop into anything else. Fear. Hope. Doubt. Joy. It’s all wound so tight.

FET Meds

Ordered and paid for!

Lupron, Vivelle patches, Estrace tablets, Prednisone, Medrol, Progesterone in Oil (PIO), Valium and Folgard 2.2 = $279.43 (insurance covered over $400 worth…. that totally shocked me)

Embryo Testing

Today, I received the paperwork with our PGD Chromosome Aneuploidy Screening. Our four embryos tested on day 5, B quality blastocysts (this was reported from our embryologist at our clinic), all had 46 chromosomes. They are listed in a “confidence” level, meaning “*the confidence for a chromosome call is an estimate of the probability that the call is correct.” Each chromosome has a percentage to show the confidence of each. Our embryos all rate 95% and above for every chromosome. I’m not quite sure what all this means just yet. We have an appointment with our doc on May 14 and we can ask more questions. There is a notation that says “*confidences < 85% for chromosomes where aneuploidy could result in a liveborn are flagged” which I guess means that above 85% should be considered a relatively trustworthy result. I’m so glad and feeling so extremely blessed that these results came out this way. I had no idea what to expect. Even though I am impatient beyond reason at this point, I am thankful that we had the guidance to move forward with this testing. It has given me a peace of mind that I would have otherwise been lacking. *These statements are taken directly from the results page from Natera.