Finding balance.

Sometimes, I clean. Almost always, I cook. Rarely, I bake. Often, I am in the moment, enjoying and soaking it in. Sometimes, I fall apart. Many times, I take a deep breath and try again, or walk away. More often now, I’m reading scripture. Always, I love, even if I don’t like the behavior, I love the other human beings trying to do their best like me, even if it’s sometimes, almost always, rarely, or often.

Trying to find a balance between my professional goals and my personal life; fun and the desire for home-made meals, cleanliness, tidy rooms, and a well-behaved and happy toddler; wife and mother and daughter and neighbor and friend.

It’s a first for me since quite a while back. I’m finally able to look for a “normal” balance outside of the IVF realm.

In the midst of IVF, there is no balance. While life is going on outside of treatment (family, professionally, globally), that treatment is all-consuming. Medications. Appointments. Complimentary treatments requiring more appointments to aid the medications or relieve symptoms. More medication: needles and pills and suppositories and supplements and patches and more needles… and more pills.

And the hot/cold highs/lows and crashes.

And the tears. The guilt. The loss.

But the toddler, he is proof that all that stuff can work. He is ridiculously intelligent and challenging and I don’t even care if I only think that because I’m his mom – because I’m his MOM. Something I once thought was quite possibly impossible. I’m so thankful.

 

Be still.

Exodus 14:14 “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”


So, I’m doing my best… Bedrest day 1. My clinic required two days back when we transferred baby J, but now they say just one. Since the transfer in March with one day of bedrest did not work, I’m going back to two days (nobody told me to, I just decided it was best to go with what worked before).

Baby J is at daycare and hubby is at work.

By the way, look at the size of that embryo! The others we transferred were never coming out of their shell like this one. The dense part near the bottom center is the baby and the rest will turn into placenta. The transfer was smooth. No need to give time for the bladder to fill and no need to empty any off the top. In the past, I’ve needed just a little more time or was overfull. Guess that repetition has helped me.

Trying to find funny stuff to watch over the next two weeks. If you have any recommendations, please let me know! I’ll watch “Sisters” for sure. Anything else?

Jimmy Fallon is my “go-to” right now. Here’s one for you all:

http://www.nbc.com/the-tonight-show/video/first-textual-experience-with-sting/3107263

Jimmy is hilarious, but Sting… well, he’s Sting… sooo good. And yes, all I’m doing in bed right now is eating.

Day 1.

All systems go.

Ultrasound today checked lining and ovaries. No cysts. Lining is thin. Blood draw to check estrogen came back acceptable, so medications begin. Continuing Lupron, baby aspirin, folate, P5P (B6), methylcobalamin (B12), prenatal, vitamin D, calcium, and fish oil. Adding pills and patches for estrogen.

Another ultrasound and blood draw on Friday.

Hesitantly excited.

39 weeks, 4 days – our last week!

Today, we decided if Baby hasn’t arrived by my appointment next Monday, we will get some help to get things moving forward. This is our last week before we welcome our little guy home! We are so excited to meet him!

Last week, I had one more big event at work and my vehicle ate its transmission. This is the second transmission it has gone through and the cost to replace it is double the value of my vehicle… so we are loosely car-shopping, specifically for a good-sized, used SUV. Every one I find online is sold before we get to it. We actually test-drove a Tahoe we both loved but by the time we returned to the dealership, it was sold! I guess there is something better out there for us!

So, I’m stuck being dependent upon my hubby for any trips (to work, from work, to the store, anything) and it’s such a strange feeling. On the positive side, when Baby arrives within the next week, we will have a few weeks to find something we feel really good about.

Still feeling fantastic, pregnant, but fantastic! I’m loving every moment I get to carry this little man with me and don’t have to share him with anyone else. We have been waiting a long time to meet our little one and see our dreams in the flesh.

Any positive thoughts or prayers for Baby to arrive on his own power before Monday will be much appreciated. We’d love to avoid medical intervention, but we will accept the help we need without regret. Thank you for all the strength you’ve provided us through thoughts and prayers during our journey. I look forward to sharing his image, name, and birth story when the time comes.