Waiting. I really want a HPT.

I’m doing my very best to avoid spending $15-30 on home pregnancy tests. Last time, I had purchased some really super cheap ones way ahead of time, but I didn’t do that this time. So, if I wanted to test, I’d have to pay for the regular priced ones in the store. That seems like a waste. I’m going to have the test done Friday, then the confirmation on Monday, so I really don’t have that much longer to wait. I just really want to SEE on the HPT!

As far as symptoms, I’m bloated, a little nauseous, sometimes crampy/achy, have a gag reflex with veggies again, and want to eat spicy foods, specifically hot wings. Mmm!

Last week, we had our second FET after IVF in 2013 with ICSI and PGD on all embryos. (I could go on with abbreviations, but that’s enough of that)

I have come to accept that there is nothing I can do to make this work.

If this is meant for us right now, we will have a positive test.

My beloved acupuncturist is going on sabbatical next month, so I will have to find my way without her. I will meet with the new person in the position, but we won’t have the history. I’m so happy for the person who has been such a support and strength for me through all of this. She is taking time for herself. She needs this. I don’t know if she will return, but she will always be part of our life.

We might be putting our house on the market. I’m distracting myself from taking a HPT by refinishing cabinets in our bathroom and kitchen, hoping to give new life to those two areas. I’m excited about the prospects of a new home, possibly with a better view, more rooms, a more preferable driveway, or even a shorter commute (approx. 2 hours in the car each day between daycare drop-off, work, daycare pick-up, and home). At the same time, I’m excited about how our house feels right now. I think the cabinets will perk up nicely, then we get to pick our granite – woo! The rest of the things the house needs to be market-ready are general maintenance as it is springtime as well as paint touchups here and there, mostly necessary from the installation of our new windows last summer.

I’m having fun. My hubby is stressing. It’s hard going through this, feeling like it’s all ME, but he’s right there feeling all of it, too.

Just trying to be a good waiter. Waiting on right timing for everything.

Advertisements

E 1773, Lining 7.2!!!!! Approved for transfer!

And I’m speechless.

I have three appointments to reschedule now because of the transfer and bed rest following the transfer. I will also be without a car for the week following the transfer.

This life is crazy. But wonderful.

We have a long road ahead yet, but we get to move past the damage, Asherman’s syndrome diagnosis, Viagra, Cialis, MTHFR diagnosis, low AMH diagnosis… We get to move forward.

I get to take the trigger shot (hcg) tomorrow morning. Starting progesterone and medrol the following day. So many things going on in addition to the FET. Our lives are so beautifully full.

Thank you.

Day 7: Lining 5.5-5.7, E 5847

Well, my estrogen is really high, but the lining is growing better than it did with the Viagra. The Cialis is being blamed for the full body aches, heartburn, hot hands, hot feet, and swelling. I was warned to be aware of my high estrogen and if I feel excessively emotional (as if I would know what that is), I should contact the office right away. Ha.

So, things are looking as good as they can right now. The lining is in an intermediate stage where they wouldn’t expect to see triple layer organization just yet, but by next Thursday, they would hope to see things getting more organized. We shall see what they say at that point, then we potentially meet with our doc the following Tuesday for the final verdict.

I wish I recorded more details the first time around with baby J. I don’t know what my lining was prior to the day 10 check when it was at 8.6. I know at Day 1 in 2013, E was 62, Day 5 E was 383, and Day 10 E was 1523. Being at 5847 on Day 7 currently and shooting for a longer cycle (26 days rather than 15 days as it was in 2013), I have concerns with how well I can tolerate this high estrogen.

All I know is that I CAN take one day, or one dose, at a time and cope the best I can through the side effects in that moment. I know many prayers and positive thoughts are supporting me through each moment.

Pentoxifylline and Cialis.

I just have to put it out there, because I haven’t found any other account of it.

If you are also experiencing these two, please please comment and share your experience.

These two are not my friends right now, but they are part of my plan to grow a healthy endometrial lining for our upcoming FET.

Last month, I also took Pentoxifylline and suffered from a nasty headache in the migraine territory, accompanied by nausea and dizziness. It lasted about two days, but when I learned to take it WITH food, it seemed to ease up and go away. I was also taking Viagra suppositories last time, so it could’ve been my body adjusting to both of those.

This time, the Viagra suppositories have been replaced by oral Cialis. I don’t know if that makes any difference, but here we are, and I’ve been struggling with all-over aches from my neck to my knees, but mostly moderate to severe aches in my lower back and hips. I finally found sleep last night by sleeping on my stomach. Today, I managed the morning just fine but gave in to some help from Tylenol this afternoon. So. Much. Better.

I have an early ultrasound and blood work in four days, so I’m hoping I can hold on until them or that the aches would subside by then.

Anybody?

I’m just so curious to see if anyone else in on this stuff. I can’t see that there are any studies going on and I always wonder about the long-term results from all these meds. I guess I’m off the standard prescription for IVF and FET patients and I’m now onto the somewhat undocumented stuff. Fun. ha.

I kinda have to psyche myself up for my next dose of fun. Makes surgery not seem like such a bad alternative.

Okay, okay. This will all be good. We will learn from it and I hope these crazy meds will make a beautiful lining together. Which will grow a beautiful baby. Who we can spoil with love and kisses. Can we really be that lucky?

The day after Day 10.

So, at the day 5 ultrasound and blood draw, my lining was at 6mm and estrogen was on the low side. The lining needs to be at 8mm before transfer. The decision was made to increase one medication in hopes that everything would shape up by day 10, which was yesterday.

Yesterday, baby J and I loaded into the car at 6:15am to get him off to daycare and me to the clinic for my 7:30am appointment before my 7:45am meeting at work. The ultrasound showed fluid in the uterus and an inconsistent lining (some places at 8 while others were 6). It also showed remaining damage (deep in the muscle) from the original surgeries that completely closed my uterus and caused the Asherman’s Syndrome. Doc doesn’t know why there is fluid accumulating, but told us that uterine scars (usually from c-sections) sometimes weep. All of this was explained today when our doc examined me again to see everything in real time.

FET is cancelled.

Doc has a new plan for medication and hopes to do a mock cycle next month as I don’t have the time to take off work for a FET. He will then get to see how my body reacts to the new plan for meds and how long it takes to get the lining where it needs to be for the best chance of a successful FET. Stay tuned because you won’t believe what meds I get to take next time around.

My doc is working hard to fix another doc’s mistake.

Disappointed. Frustrated. Tired of crying. Enjoying my glass of wine and looking forward to some coffee and chocolate tomorrow. Maybe a mixed drink, too.

Day 1.

All systems go.

Ultrasound today checked lining and ovaries. No cysts. Lining is thin. Blood draw to check estrogen came back acceptable, so medications begin. Continuing Lupron, baby aspirin, folate, P5P (B6), methylcobalamin (B12), prenatal, vitamin D, calcium, and fish oil. Adding pills and patches for estrogen.

Another ultrasound and blood draw on Friday.

Hesitantly excited.

Asherman’s Syndrome

Another diagnosis to add to my infertility lineup. Premature ovarian failure, diminished ovarian reserve, low AMH, MTHFR C677T/C677T, and Asherman’s syndrome. I am so glad my doc required a meeting yesterday. He explained to us with the visual aid of the internal ultrasound in live time that my entire uterus is collapsed upon itself and stuck tight with scar tissue. Luckily, the cervix is open, so he doesn’t have to create a new one (sounds like fun, right).

He explained that he must stay in the right position during surgery so he can open up my uterus and “create some real estate.” He feels it would be beneficial to grow the endometrium as much as possible because that can provide a guideline for his incisions. I’ll be on estrogen for 21 days followed by prometrium for 5, then surgery, followed by another round of the same meds and a possible second surgery. Surgery will be laparoscopic, through my belly button and another port below my bikini line so he can get a good hold on everything. This also means my belly will be filled with gas to increase the area in sight. Yup, I’m nervous about it. Read more on Asherman’s and treatment here: http://www.ashermans.org/information/stages-of-ashermans/

How did it happen? It often occurs after trauma to the uterus from surgery (such as the two D&C’s I had to remove my placenta after baby J’s delivery). The question mark is why did my placenta stick in the first place? Maybe I am predisposed to scarring and there was nothing that could’ve been done to prevent it. I know the diagnosis could’ve been much worse.

My hubby has been a rock. He has faith that we will get through this. His love makes me stronger.

Previous Older Entries