Beta 44 – now grow baby grow!

Staying the course with all meds. Feeling slightly nauseous, tired, all the normal stuff with all the progesterone and what not. 44 is not very high, but it can grow, so now we’re all praying baby sticks around and that number grows exponentially by Tuesday.

So grateful to get this chance. So grateful to have my little man, J.

J was a rainbow baby for us after our miscarriage. Now, two miscarriages later, we are hoping for a second rainbow baby. I guess that would make a double rainbow in our family. Praying for that double rainbow and believing that God knows best.

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6dp5dt nauseous and crampy

Nauseous and crampy. Those are my symtoms. Trying to relax and not get ahead of the moment. In this moment, I am pregnant because we know nothing else.

In other news, my bloodwork today came in as expected so there are no changes to my meds. I did ask about taking baby aspirin AND lovenox – and that’s what they want me to do! Good deal.

I have bloodwork again in three days, on Thursday. It will be the baseline hcg and if/when that number is high enough, they will compare it to bloodwork on the following Tuesday, expecting that number to multiply appropriately.

So, I will pray, wait and trust.

4dp5dt and feeling very “normal”

It’s the first Saturday after our smooth, uneventful Tuesday FET of our final embryo, retrieved and fertilized in March of 2013. I cry just thinking about all the love and prayers sent our way during this final chapter in our IVF story.

Just typing that felt so strange.

Symptoms-wise, really nothing out of the ordinary. I’m out of breath and tired but the progesterone and high estrogen are probably to blame. I had some ache/cramping yesterday and a little the day before, but no twinges or things that I remember feeling before. I don’t really have too much anxiety about any of it actually. Just feeling like it’s another normal day with normal things to do… but then taking a step back on everything so I don’t get stressed. And watching embarrassingly funny movies when I might prefer a good action or suspense movie. And eating lots of beets. Oh, and the shots, shots, shots and more shots. That’s not my normal.

About the shots and protocol, I’m not on prednisone this time like I have been in the past. I am, however, on lovenox through hcg/estrogen rise. And still on baby aspirin. Along with estrace suppositories twice a day, estrogen IM twice a week, and PIO every morning.

Definitely feeling God’s presence through all the prayers for courage and peace in this process. My flipchart this morning even said this, “June 2 – ‘Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.’ Philippians 4:6”

Here is embryo #3 and the flower hair tie Toddler J wanted me to wear to meet #3:

Modified bed rest day 2!

I don’t remember the bed rest part being this boring. I’ve plenty of books, movies, things to do but I’m just tired of sitting. I’m not good at “being still” for very long. 30 minutes tops, really.

So, day 2 is almost done and my awesome parents have been taking care of everything they can, mostly chasing and entertaining the always busy Toddler J. He gave me a hug the morning of the transfer and said “I love you, brother.” Then, after transfer said, “I can’t wait to see my brother.” I asked him how he knew he was going to have a brother and he said, “I just know.” He then informed me that he wants two, a brother and a sister. Asking for the moon and the sky, too!

The transfer was a breeze. Started my 32 oz water intake 15 minutes early just like in the trial transfer, then took the valium, had acupuncture, and just as we walked out the escalator, our embryologist greeted us and brought us back. Perfect timing. Frosty baby embryo #3 was transferred at 11:33am on May 29. #3 was a day five embryo so our embryologist said implantation typically happens between days 5 and 7, so possibly not even until tomorrow. #3 was hatching out already, so I imagine it would be likely to connect sooner than later, but given my history of scar tissue and FET failures, who knows. Just praying this one is super sticky.

Started lovenox this morning and continuing the baby aspirin, vitamins, progesterone in oil (IM every day), estrace suppository (twice a day), and delestrogen (IM twice a week). I had one more subQ hcg shot this morning with the final one in three days. Baseline pregnancy test is 9 days post transfer (Friday, June 8) with final pregnancy test 12 days post transfer (Monday, June 11). If I have a positive, I’ll go in for another intralipid infusion.

Trying to think positive. As of this moment, I am pregnant!

Decision Day. Lining 7.3!

FET is a go!!

Last week, the ultrasound revealed a triple layer lining at 5.8mm. Today, just five days later, the lining was at 7.3 and our doc felt good about moving forward with the transfer. The human growth hormone was added to my protocol after some new research came out in December of 2017. Maybe it was that. Maybe it was the time off from treatments. Either way, God is in control and whatever happens is for the best. We may not understand it, but He knows better than us.

We trigger tomorrow, then switch to other meds, cutting out the pentoxy, viagra, and vitamin E, adding progesterone every day and hcg shots every couple days for a week. After transfer, I’ll also add lovenox shots. After meeting with my doc today, I did an intralipid infusion. The IV needle is never fun, but it really wasn’t a big deal. The taste of the intralipid is so strange. Why do I taste it when it’s put straight into my blood? Crazy.

Super bloated and craving chocolate. Even had a dream that I ate a deliciously soft, even fluffy chocolate cookie AND a brownie….. with a panic attack soon to follow due to “messing everything up” but then I woke up. Whew. ;) I have the most vivid dreams on IVF meds.

 

Here I go again, but not on my own!

This Thursday, we begin Day one of FET for our last embryo. #4 has been on ice since 2013. So many have poured out their best wishes, prayers, and hope for us – thank you! I do not feel alone. I know this is not in my control. God has everything handled already. Whatever may come will be the best for us. He knows.

If you think of it, pray that He works in our hearts to bring us peace with the process, comfort during the painful parts (mostly those PIO and Delestrogen shots with the big gauge needles), and guidance in every decision. We are doing our best to listen, be still, and breathe.

Baby J has been praying every night for both a brother AND a sister… I’m not sure that is scientifically possible, but with God, all things are possible. Who knows how He will answer that prayer or work in our lives.

Thankful during the storm.

We thank God when good things happen. We praise the Lord for blessings. It’s easy to hear good news and be thankful.

My husband noted how thankful a neighbor is, regardless of her trials. She has experienced more major and life-altering events and diagnoses, and yet, she keeps her head up, believing that the best life is always at the conclusion of this journey.

I, however, have been less than thankful through the challenging times. I have been bitter. Angry.

For the most part, only those closest to me have seen it.

I finally realize it is not enough to put on a brave face. I need to actually live it in my actions and circulate it through my body with every beat of my heart.

Thankful.

Thankful for whatever I might encounter today, tomorrow, or years down the road. Thankful for this minute, this word, this breath.

Thankful for God’s strength and courage when we are struggling. Thankful for His grace when we fall. Thankful for His humility when we ask forgiveness.

Day 1 of this 365 is over and it’s time for me to move on from anything that isn’t bringing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, or self-control (the fruits of the spirit – Galations 5:22-23). Hopefully, I can be a better servant to God’s people (everyone) in 2018. It’s never too late to do better.