10 weeks and all the feelings

Feeling excited, happy, tired, nauseated, grateful, hungry, thirsty, shocked, giddy, denial, sad, happy again and more. The feelings are all so there and yet… there is a numbness. A feeling that I’m making this all up. Feeling that somehow, I have messed this all up. Feeling disconnected.

AND THEN we see this little one. We are here. God brought us through it all.



8 weeks 3 days, heartbeat 172!

We still have a little bub brewing! And baby is right on track with our last ultrasound (7 weeks measured 6 weeks 3 days – 9 weeks measured 8 weeks 3 days). Baby wasn’t sitting in a very photogenic position and wasn’t moving much, just swiping around with hands and fingers.

I’ll be honest, I’ve had to repeat to myself that “everything will be fine, no matter how this goes” as I’m having the hardest time believing this is real (even though I’m still experiencing the “comfort” of nausea). ;)

I will have an appointment with my high-risk OB at 10 weeks, so in a week and a half or so. We will have another ultrasound that day and talk about what’s next. Right now, what’s next is the count down for meds. I have 20 more progesterone injections, 5 more estrogen injections, and about 40 more estradiol pills either by mouth or suppository. It will be nice to move on from this part of our lives.

Today, we had our last scheduled appointment at our fertility clinic. We’ve been going there since 2012 and we finally have met the end of our fertility journey. We look forward to joining the clinic on the celebration days now, hopefully, with two IVF babes in arms. <3



8 weeks – bleh :S

I am seriously so thankful for feeling this nasty. It is a comfort to me that SOMEthing is actually going on! It’s too early to have a baby bump, so anything that shows is just bloat from hormones or food, or both. It’s too early to feel baby move. I remember counting kicks when J was a baby. That gave me some reassurance that he was doing just fine.

The only thing I’ve got to even hint that I’m pregnant is this nasty first trimester nausea (“morning” sickness) and extreme fatigue. Fatigue like I once went to bed around 11p and rose at 6:30a with a normal day of work in between the repeat of that. Last night, I went to bed at 9p, woke up at 7:30a, took a one hour nap with Toddler J in the afternoon, and I’m ready to get off to bed again…. but it’s only 7:30p…. so I’ll wait.

The other part of being mildly nauseous and hungry all the time is strange, too. I’m craving spaghetti-o’s tonight and I don’t think I’ve had them since college, 2003ish.

Again, I’m so grateful for these symptoms because I would be otherwise 100% convinced that nothing was changing, not even a chance.

This first trimester stuff is no joke! Kudos to ladies that have done this when it’s recent enough they can even remember what the first tri is like. I’m sure I felt this way with J, but I just don’t remember. Figured I should write it down just in case anyone else was feeling crazy, like I just need to hibernate until week 14….. bleh.       ;)

7 Weeks, 1 Day

We are officially past the 7 week mark!

Nausea and exhaustion were in full force yesterday, so I’m finally getting to the all the things today. I have no appointments this week other than acupuncture. We are staying home for the 4th which is rather unusual. I can only remember one other time we did this and we crawled up on our roof to catch the firework displays across the city. Tomorrow, we will be taking in as many of the neighborhood festivities as possible, then visiting friends for the afternoon and evening celebrations. I might need to just bring my own chair wherever we go… and maybe a pillow.

Speaking of which, a nap sounds really nice right now. Hope you all have a wonderful holiday tomorrow!

Ultrasound updated development: 6 weeks 3 days, 123 bpm

So, we have a baby! Baby measured 6 weeks 3 days instead of 7 weeks. I anticipated this due to how low our first HCG number was, possibly due to late implantation of our frozen embryo. We saw the heartbeat fluttering away at 123 beats per minute. We didn’t get to hear it as they didn’t want to send that much energy toward baby until it is bigger. We have a baby!

Still fighting the nausea, so that’s a great sign. I postponed my meeting with my high-risk OB until later in July. I was scheduled to meet with him next week, which would be 8 weeks by my last period, but since we’re not quiet there yet, I feel more comfortable waiting to have the almost 9 week ultrasound at the fertility clinic, then follow-up with my OB a week and a half later when I’m 10 weeks by our recalculation. It sure seems like a lot of appointments and very early, but it will be nice to have so many opportunities to peek in on baby’s progress over the next month.

We could really use your prayers as we lost Baby Drew, our first pregnancy, right around this time. Drew just stopped growing around 7 weeks. I know that fear is a lie, but the memories are still so close to my heart. Every stage of this pregnancy will be a huge achievement and no day will go unappreciated.

Here’s our first baby photo from yesterday:


27dp5dt / 6 weeks 4 days

Breathe. Believe.

The anxiety I have during this time of wait is, at times, overwhelming. If only I could remember to stop and pray in those moments. Then, breathe and believe.

Still nauseated, so I’m relieved and comforted by that. Exhausted, too, which I didn’t remember from before. In three days, we have our first ultrasound at seven weeks (estimated). I won’t be surprised if baby measures behind because that often happens and then everyone gets worried. I’m trying to fix my mind on all the things that we could do to prepare for the arrival of this babe: get the crib ready, if we use J’s crib then we need to find him a new bedframe (we got a convertible one so it’s a full bed right now), decorating what will be the nursery, getting all the baby clothes washed, getting the baby toys back out, high chair, bouncer, carseat, and… and… and… I’ve already gotten my maternity clothes out and hung up. They smelled a little funky, so I wanted to give them a chance to air out before I decided if they all needed a wash.

So many things will happen around this house and in 2019 with this new addition, this precious miracle. I hope and pray I get to make all those challenging decisions and tackle those changes, because that means we have another little one to accommodate for and adapt to.

Toddler J stops every once in a while to give me a hug and say “hi” to baby brother/baby sister. He names them both and has told me there are two. – ??? – Though, I believe it is scientifically impossible, we will be overjoyed with any or all.

The lovenox bruises have almost entirely faded away. The progesterone and estrogen shots are bleeding more these days. Weird, because I’m only on baby aspirin instead of lovenox. Must be increased blood volume?

Waiting. Not so patiently. Feeling cautiously optimistic.

18dp5dt / 5 weeks 2 days

Staycation. At home with movies. Missing my boys, but I know they are having a great weekend with hubby’s family, Toddler J’s great-grandparents and grandparents.

I remember having heart-rushes or palpitations with J’s pregnancy. I blamed the prednisone, but I haven’t been on it at all this time and I’m still having them each day. It started this week and happens about three times a day. Weird. Must be hormonal!

Trying to stay positive when I have many doubtful thoughts. I’m actually thankful when I have a symptom typical to pregnancy (nausea, fatigue, etc.) because it comforts me, but sometimes puts a sour look on my face until it passes. Another week and a half of waiting for the next appointment. Praying for patience and confidence.

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