One percent

Due to my low Anti-Mullerian Hormone level, we were told we had a 1% chance of conceiving on our own.

After achieving pregnancy through IVF and welcoming our son, I developed Asherman’s Syndrome: found in 1.5% of women evaluated with a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) for infertility.

Three years, many surgeries, and two FET failures later, we are pregnant again and I develop hydramnios (polyhydramnios): occurs in about 1% of all pregnancies.

The “one percent” has become a recurring theme through this journey. Here’s to hoping that this is the third and final “one percent” that is a negative along the way.

Through some divine intervention this morning, I realized I am afraid. I am afraid of what the hydramnios could mean for baby. I’m afraid about what an early delivery might mean for baby, being premature, NICU possibilities, breastfeeding struggles. I’m afraid about the possible complications hydramnios presents to delivery, placental abruption, umbilical cord prolapse, post-partum hemorrhaging. I’m afraid of having a c section due to baby’s position. I’m afraid of that unknown recovery. I’m afraid of being able to have a successful vaginal birth and whether or not I will suffer the third or worse, fourth degree tear that is a real possibility. I’m afraid that I am letting everyone down: my family since I can’t care for them or the house as I usually would, my school and kids because I had to walk away suddenly and, though I was nearly prepared, I was not prepared to be gone so soon.

Fear. And anxiety. How will this all work? Are we going to be okay?

I know the truth. The truth is that whatever happens, we are going to be okay. Everything will be fine. No, it’s not going to go according to my plan. In fact, it’s probably going to go in about every other direction than what I anticipated.

I did know this would happen.

I said it myself.

I suppose it’s another opportunity to learn and grow into whomever I’m meant to be and whatever I’m meant to do.

Now, to flip this all on its head, how many people have an AMH level like mine with unexplained infertility like me and never get to have their baby? How many people have Asherman’s and never get pregnant again? Or never carry to term?

Grateful to be in the percentage that I am.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. rose
    Jan 14, 2019 @ 19:18:03

    In the circumstances I think being afraid is reasonable and rational.There are lots of risks and unknowns. But you keep on keeping on and that is to be celebrated. It isn’t easy but then there are no easy alternatives in your position and you ARE getting good careful attention and medical care. Hopes and caring and wishing you support and continued miracles

    Reply

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