Evil Clone

My evil clone has taken over. I’m no longer here. 

Whether it is the BC pills, the lupron, the pressure of it all… or whatever… the fuse is so short, everything is so intense, I really just want to disappear until it’s all over. I know it will all be worth it and this is just a very small amount of time in the long run… but I don’t want to sacrifice my marriage for it or damage our relationship. 

I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. I can’t make sense of him and I can’t stand anything he does, but it’s not him. I’m totally checked out. It’s scary when you can’t stop yourself from exploding or bawling. It takes all of my focus not to be insulted by just the slightest thing or lack of something.

I really think counseling or psychiatrist appointments should have been included in my IVF/FET package. This sucks. 

I wasn’t going to make emotionally charged posts on this blog, but I felt the need to put a warning out there. Not everyone reacts this way. Some people feel wacky on clomid. I felt great. Now this. Evil clone has done some damage in this past week. Counting down the days. Hopefully only 20 left of this evil clone. If it’s any longer, I made need a muzzle.

4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. fromheretomotherhood
    Apr 29, 2013 @ 09:18:31

    I agree that counseling should be included. It’s so much to go through, plus all the hormones you’re injecting. I’m sure your husband ultimately understands and will be there waiting to greet the normal you when you return. I wish you a swift and successful IVF cycle!


  2. Erin
    Apr 29, 2013 @ 16:00:32

    I was the same way. Stress + Hormones = Bad news. I just kept up a constant apology anytime I climbed down enough to realize what a psycho I was being. Thank God for a patient and understanding husband….


  3. Shelley D
    Apr 29, 2013 @ 19:02:37

    Lupron does that to me too. I just gave my husband a heads up that I would have a short fuse for a few weeks. Sorry you’re going through this!


  4. Trackback: Where am I now? Exactly, what ARE we doing? | One Percent Chance

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