Please don’t…

When someone is struggling with infertility and/or miscarriage, please don’t say things like

“Everything happens for a reason.”

“It’s for the best.”

Anything with “at least” at the beginning.

“God has a plan.” “It’s in God’s time.” (or anything that implies that God caused this)

“Just be patient.” “Just relax.” “Just adopt.” “Just stop trying. That’s when it happens.”

None of this helps the pain or grief. The only thing that was a comfort to me was the acknowledgement of the pain and suffering, that this situation really sucks, it is awful and that no one should ever have to lose their baby (no matter what their age may be). Someone actually said, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.” and they listened instead. They listened to me talk about my world, my hopes and dreams for my child as they came crashing down, and I will forever be grateful.

To everyone who is in this place of infertility and/or miscarriage, I am so sorry you have to endure this. This is a miserable, awful, no good life experience. No one should have to go through such a loss. I am so sorry for your pain. I don’t expect that you will EVER “get over” this nor should you. I think of you and your babies before I lay my head down every night. I only wish you and yours all the happiness this world can afford every day forward.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. weejars
    Dec 11, 2012 @ 02:28:04

    Well said. There are no words and sometimes people just need to shut up and listen! Best of luck to you on your journey

    Reply

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